Signs You May Be a People Pleaser
People pleasing can show up in many ways, and can leave someone constantly feeling resentful towards others, out of control in their lives, constantly anxious, and often feeling guilty or burnt out. If you’ve been struggling with similar feelings and wondering if people pleasing is something you’re experiencing, here are a few signs you may be a people pleaser.
You struggle to say no to unwanted requests.
Saying no does not feel like an option for you, and when you do finally say no, you feel very guilty about it after.
You feel overwhelmed and anxious when someone asks something of you due to feeling you have to do it.
The action of someone asking you for something spikes your anxiety due to the struggle to say no and the fear of disappointing others.
You are known as the “giver” or “helper” in your family or group of friends.
People tend to come to you for help, ask things of you often, and you’re known as the “go-to” friend or sibling in the family for emotional and logistical support. You notice that the people who go to you do not ask the same things of other people in their lives, but do expect a level of support from you. This can become the norm due to struggling to say no or set boundaries with friends and family over time.
You over-apologize or apologize for things that do not warrant it.
You feel the need to apologize for disagreeing with someone or for taking time for yourself. You catch yourself apologizing for things that are completely out of your control, yet feel responsible for them. This can look like apologizing for having a different opinion, apologizing for saying no to a favor, or apologizing for being unable to do a task that is out of your wheelhouse.
You take responsibility for other people’s feelings.
You feel you can’t be happy and at peace until everyone else is happy. You feel it is your job to make sure everyone else feels happy and satisfied, even if that means you are feeling empty and resentful.
You feel you have no time for yourself and consistently feel stressed or burnt out.
You treat all “free time” and time free to give to others.
You constantly put others needs before your own.
You struggle with self-care and feel that “if other people are happy, then I’m happy,” yet this isn’t truly the case.
If some or all of these resonate with you, you may struggle with people pleasing. This can truly be anxiety provoking and debilitating, and it doesn’t need to continue long term. Therapy is a great resource to learn how to say no to unwanted requests, set healthy boundaries, and take back your life. There are skills, tools, and support out there to help you stop people pleasing and live a life aligned with your needs and values!
Check back here next week for some tools on how to say no to unwanted requests. We’ll get specific sharing skills and even some scripts you can use.